Today I did not gorge my bloated liver on even more pickled ferret casseroles and then complete the cycle of innane masochism with a zucchini and wallabee stir-fry surprise.

Today I did not embrace salvation or any wombat infested cacti.

Today I did not tell the grass to stop howling at the wayfaring moon, who catches the breeze of the forgotten tides of red.

Today I did not jump in jubilation as a result of a jolly juxtaposition of my arrest warrant next to my clown-school graduation photo (taken 2hours apart).

Today I did not declare myself immune to fish hatcheries, only to be pleasantly surprised three hours later by an unexpected development in my pancreas.

Today I did not outpace my imagination in a footrace no hare, tortoise, or hummingbird fired out of a shotgun could even hope to compete in.

Today I did not listen to the morbid wales of a too stale saltine who was getting a bit too fresh for his own good.

Today I did not loop the tracks of my mind into a perpetual chain of Radio Jingles for a "Stripper Extermination Expertise Service."